Too often it feels like we as parents aren’t totally clear on who we are to the children we brought into this world. It seems that since our children are fully dependent on us for EVERYTHING from day one, as time passes we struggle to adjust to their gradual independence. So these first few years of intense need from them becomes the norm to us, and parents (at least fathers perhaps) become accustomed to seeing the child as the chore or task it once was, rather than an active participant in our family unit. Unfortunately for them and for us this disconnect brings forth the infamous negative reactions from our part towards them as their requests become more complex and we fail to identify their level of maturity.
It is entirely possible that by thinking of them as adults in their infancy rather than thinking of them as our property, we might improve our behavior toward them as well as our quality of life with them. If we think of ourselves as leader of the pack, or as the teacher and guide to an individual we call our son our daughter, then maybe much of the pressure of “having” to do things for them becomes “wanting” to participate in the development of this new person.
These babies will soon enough grow up to participate, or not, in our lives. And sooner than we’d like they will begin to judge the work we did. My concern here isn’t so much that they may not be happy with the decisions we made, but rather that when they do say something, we can respond intelligently and argue that during that particular moment we made the best possible decision with the best information we could gather.
If we stop to think about how little our children really know it makes it a lot easier to see how patient we must be and how much more we need to share with them. As guides we mustn’t think of having to teach our children anything, all we actually have to do –or might want to do- is share as much information as we possibly can, since the ultimate goal must be to prepare them for as much as possible as quickly as possible. We want our children –and the human beings that they are- to be successful, and for this we must give them access to as many tools as possible. Remember this: Every new child coming into this world must hit the ground sprinting since the world they are beginning to participate in is already going at full speed.